Agree! I am looking for neutrality towards exes in dating, maybe even a slightly positive distortion like, “I hope they’re doing well, and I would be there for them if they needed me.”

That’s where I’m at with my exes. I wouldn’t say we’re “friends” (in the sense that we don’t hang out and invest in relationship.)

If there’s a charge— in either direction, positive or negative, it’s not “over.” Most relationships that actually run their course ended in apathy, and aren’t some big blow out. It’s just…differences in values, lifestyles, cleanliness standards, goals, etc.

If someone is still triggered by their ex, or weirdly defensive that “they are friends” I’m always like yeah, I don’t know. I understand that people have social circles and you know, you both have stake in being cordial and civil that’s fair. And actually, maturity. But the personal relationship needs to be minimal, and shouldn’t have active animosity.

Because both expressions are having feelings for the ex.