Yeah, and what made this especially acute for me was that it's not like I had some big new job, hot new boyfriend, fresh off some big glow-up or whatever, just coming up big. It was one-time event, and highly contextual and transient. And she knew a lot of people there, too. IDK. But as I was thinking about this all worked up, while I was running and biking in particular, memories kept surfacing from over the years....has it been like this all along?

I had noticed before what I chalked up to "being held to very high standards," ones I did not see others held to. But in hindsight, I think it was just...spotlight on my mistakes more. It's very strange, I can genuinely say I do not think hierarchically. It's just not part of my lens. I don't think you can opt out if everyone else is in it, or you'll end up at the bottom of it. I've been brainstorming how I can reconcile that with how I want to show up for people. TBD.